It all leads back to you
Throughout it all
I put my shoes on and step out
And there you are
And there I am
And it is everything
I know you are everywhere
And in everything
Somehow
But it’s hard to see you
If I can’t feel you
When I’m up here
In my apartment
Buried in my to-do lists
Surrounded by cement and stone
Anxieties and fears
Is everything I do for you?
I’ve always told myself that I wanted to help you
But I think all I’ve wanted is to be with you
And how ridiculous to think I could protect you
When it’s you who’s always protected me
Maybe I’m just an environmentalist fraud
Maybe when I say I want to protect you
I just want to see you in all your glory
To smell you and feel you and hear you with nothing in our way
Maybe I’m just studying how to sustain you to make myself feel better
To pretend like I’m doing something
Amidst all the hypocrisy and guilt
People say what I’m studying is very important
For everyone
But all I am is selfish
I’m not doing it for them
But for me and you
There’s so much noise
Not all bad noise
But noise nonetheless
But when I’m with you
Everything gets really quiet
Everything begins to make sense
And all that remains is a feeling
A feeling that I bet you could hear to
If you stop for a moment and listen
20/12/2023